Facebook has become the battleground for a war of words sparked by one teen’s violent death at a Peachland house party last week.

As has become commonplace with the passing of loved ones, a page dedicated to Ashlee Hyatt, 16, was put up on the popular social networking site just hours after her June 2 death.

While its intent was to commemorate the young woman, hateful remarks poured in prompting those who created the site to increase security options, reducing public access. That sparked a cycle of sorts.

“A number (of sites) have popped up and have been taken down,” said Hugh Gloster, the superintendant of the Central Okanagan school district, adding that online networking tools are blocked from district computers. “Some went up with genuine attempts to show appropriate sympathy in the aftermath of a tragedy, but some people take advantage and do things that are inappropriate. Quite frankly it concerns me that anybody from anywhere can go in and post messages, for what could otherwise be an appropriate way to express feelings, and stir up emotions.”

The depth of efforts to stir up negativity is shocking to many of those who have seen the site.

Manipulated photos re-enacting the murder with a cartoonish twist are commonplace on the most recent webpage to appear, as is commentary on the dead teenager’s behaviour.

While the content of the images and words are unsettling, there are dozens if not hundreds of user comments that follow each entry. There, fights between those who knew the teen or have nothing better to do continue on for pages.

And Gloster is correct about the far-reaching impact of the site. The Facebook page reached the home of a family in Rocky Mountain House, Alta., prompting one man to call the Capital News to complain.

“Something has gone wrong with the people who live there,” said Ryan Hutton, who added he stumbled on the site through a third party and has since reported it to police. “High school students were mean when I was young, but this takes it to a whole new level. I’m disgusted by what these high school kids have to say.”

According to someone posting by the name of Catherine Payne, one site was set up as a red-herring, of sorts.

While she flames dissent through her comments, she told one infuriated reader that its intent is to draw attention away from the accused.

“I’m not mad because (the accused) is going behind bars. Even more, I’m not mad at all, I’m just disappointed for what she did,” the entry reads.

“The time can’t be turned back and Ashlee won’t come back, but I at least can take the heat off (the accused) family. Before this group came online they got threatened for the actions of (the accused) With the launch of the group, people found a new person to hate on: me and others.”

Regardless of the intent, social networking has loomed large since the Peachland party that ended in tragedy.

During the accused’s bail hearing this week, a ban on her using social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter was imposed in addition to an order of 24-hour house arrest.

That said, Facebook memorial pages are becoming more common and are usually helpful, said UBC professor Michael Woodworth. Specializing in psychopathy, criminal behaviour and how they tie into the web, Woodworth said negative outpourings of any sort are atypical. Through his own research, and more being conducted by colleagues at Cornell University, Woodworth said the vast majority of comments on memorial sites as positive and uplifting. “A site having the level of atrocious stuff that’s being put on there and done, is not the norm.”

Another UBC professor, Alfred Hermida, believes that what we see on Facebook pages, and the like, is merely an imprint of what’s happening on the schoolyard.

“If this took place in the school yard, you don’t hear about it happening unless one of the students involved told a teacher,” he said. “Once you take it online the information is available to everyone…and gets a wider airing than what was intended.”

Question: My 14-year-old daughter recently came home from school with a note from the teacher asking for a parent teacher conference re: her behaviour (skipped classes).

She tells me she is having trouble with several girls (supposed to be Christians) harassing her, so she has decided to give up drama and arts, which she is good at and loves. I think they are bullying her. She is a bit shy, not popular and doesn’t have the “in fad clothes”. But sad to say, I am a mom on a low income and can’t do anything about that. I worry because I am at work a lot and not there for her after school.

Marie Answers: This is always a difficult issue, but be prepared to co-operate with the teacher and find out what she knows is going on. Maybe she could arrange for the school counsellor to speak with your daughter, the teacher and yourself and form a plan to help resolve it.

However, encourage your daughter not to give up on her interests and do what you can to help her work with the school counsellor to regain her self confidence. Also give yourself credit for the love and sacrifice you make for her every day. Being a single mom is one of the hardest jobs ever.

Gerry Answers: Enrol her in a self-development class e.g. karate, tae kwon do or baseball class. That will provide her a new outlet for her to make new friends.

Question: My wife is completely obsessed with our kids since they came along (we’ve been married two years and have two kids). I don’t get a look in, and recently I have been laid off from my construction job.

I feel now I was only a paycheque. Because I don’t bring home the big paycheques she seems to be angry with me all the time and wants to control my days to do things she wants done because I am not working. I can’t even have a beer when I want one.

Marie Answers: Sounds like your really hurting and maybe feeling disrespected.

Of course the time you spent together before the kids came along was a different life time, and having the kids has put you on the sidelines.

Many moms drift into a child-conscious world, excluding the dad and even other family members. So now she may be feeling scared that her world is collapsing around her, and is blaming you. However, you can reassure her that you are confident and will get work soon, but this is a time when you both need to pull together. Divided you both will fail. Tell her you need her now more than ever. And be patient, you will find work. Look at what you already have — a wife and healthy children. You are already a success story,

Gerry Answers: Yeah, it’s tough when you realize your second, or third, or fourth, in the pecking order, but that’s what being a man is. Your now the guy who has to hold the stuff together. You’ll probably have dozens of jobs in your lifetime, but you will never have the privilege of being the father you are right now. So, now’s the time to show real manhood. Give her some space, but suggest that you both see a pastor or counsellor so you both have a chance to talk about your relationship and what can be done to help you both to understand and respect each other, and your individual needs.

Question: My son, 27, has been dating a woman (32) and seems to be very serious about her. They have only known each other four months, both work in the same gas station. He wants to marry her (she has two children from another relationship). The dad lives out of province, and pays no support. My son has been covering her rent and other expenses, and wants to move in with her and eventually wants to marry her. He has not had a lot of girlfriends, but he is very responsible and is financially secure. My husband and myself have met her and are not impressed at all. What can we do to keep him safe?

Marie Answers: Well you can’t really interfere with your son’s choices that he wants to make in his life (unless he asked for your opinion). It seems he is a sensible young man, so all you can do is support him while he ventures into this unknown journey. However, it would be a good thing if you could be respectful of her, since if she does becomes your daughter-in-law, and you show your displeasure now, you could possibly lose your son and maybe grandchildren and many other future enjoyable times together. I would also suggest a parenting course for your son if he is to become a step-dad, he will need some practical information and could benefit from a course in many other ways.

Gerry Answers: At 27 years, your son needs you to back off and let him make his own mistakes if that is what his future holds.


Gerry and Marie Prior have 30 years experience in counselling and operate GemCare Counselling in Penticton. They can be reached at 250-809-9762, or send your questions to gemcare "at" shaw.ca or their website at www.gemcarecounselling.com. This column is meant for general advice, and does not replace professional counselling

The Okanagan Boys and Girls Clubs join the provincial and national movements to celebrate Pink Shirt Day — Bullying Stops Here April 14.

Boys and Girls Clubs across the Okanagan will be participating in planned activities that provide education, awareness and teach skills to encourage empathy-building. Organizers encourage the community to wear pink on April 14 to show that bullying will no longer be tolerated.

Pink Shirt Day originated in Nova Scotia when two young men stood up to bullying in their high school.

A new student was being bullied when he came to school wearing a pink T-shirt. The other students bought 50 pink T-shirts and got other students to wear them to school to show support for the new student who was being bullied.

Since this powerful act of solidarity, Pink Shirt Day has made its way across Canada. Last year the call to make a statement against bullying by wearing pink was met with an overwhelming response from schools, employers and politicians. Thousands of people wore pink to school and work.

Everyone is encouraged to wear pink April 14 to show support against bullying. Pink T-shirts are available for $5 at London Drugs stores or by contacting Miriam King at 250-762-3914 or mking "at" boysandgirlsclub.ca.

All proceeds will go to help support the Okanagan Boys and Girls Clubs.